So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
