yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
