dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
