so explain again why im purple
no
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
