3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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