The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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