i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
