I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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