Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
