Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
