I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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