you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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