Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
