I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
