I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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