he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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