I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My balls are so social today.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
