kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
