she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
