what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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