Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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