the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
