"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
