so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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