Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it was like eating out sand paper
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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