He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need a burrito and a hug.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
