Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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