Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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