fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
