you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
