these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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