we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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