His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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