Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
