I smell stomach acid.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
