no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
two words...techno handjob
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
