saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He felt like a one man threesome
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
