Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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