Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
