3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
