The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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