We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
