I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
