You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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