Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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