Already got asked if we're dating
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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