Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
