Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How naked do you want me to be?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
