dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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