There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
