I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
